My Conscious Dating Journey
By Nancy Birnbaum
Pompano Beach, FL
I have been in many, many relationships
over the past 25 years. I have had one failed
marriage and yet now, I am in a stable, solid
partnership with the same man for the past 8 years.
I have a degree in Psychology and Counseling
and have even run a peer-counseling program at
my University. Still I repeatedly had failed relationships.
In 1998, I discovered the work on Conscious Relationships
and quickly educated myself on these concepts.
I was truly ready! I wanted to find a life partner,
not just date. I wanted to learn why my relationships
failed and not blame others for my failures.
After completing some courses in Conscious Relationships,
I became very clear about what motivated me in
the past and learned more about myself and the
men I had chosen. I was amazed at how different
these men were! I recall being totally mystified
about how they "worked!"
Things became very clear. I finally allowed myself
to acknowledge that my path was different from
many other women. What I truly wanted was to find
a partner who enjoyed what I did - sailing
and travel. In fact, I did find him. I
created an opportunity to "try out"
the cruising lifesyle by crewing on a Sailing
Rally from Southern California to Cabo San Lucas.
I competed to win a spot on the crew of a 50 foot
boat and my "future mate" Jann, already
skipper onboard, made it so that I was picked!
That's how we met.
 We
spent the next three weeks together, getting to
know each other and beginning our relationship
(Top-Down) on a creative level, rather than a
purely physical one. Soon enough, we realized
that we both shared a similar dream to sail away
and travel! Ten months later, we did just that.
His boat was undergoing repairs and I was already
preparing by tying up loose ends and selling my
consulting practice. We made a committment to
our dream first. Our committment to each other
was a natural function of that.
In the Spring of 1999, we set sail together on
a 35' sailboat and over the next four years, we
traveled throughout Mexico, Central America and
Panama, transiting the Canal in 2003 and returning
to the States in 2004 to help my sick mother.
 Although
we are land-based again, we are replenishing the
"Cruising Kitty" and plan to continue
our adventures on another boat (bigger this time!)
and visit new places.
One thing I'm very glad we did. I asked him to
take a basic course in Conscious Relationships
when we decided to be together. It made for more
common ground.
Question: What was the most helpful
concept, idea, or strategy you learned from Conscious
Dating?
Response: How not to fall into
the dating traps! In the past, I often sabotaged
my relationships by falling into some of the traps
that Conscious Dating describes. I operated
out of imbalanced personality fears and desires
or misconceptions often acting out of very old
beliefs or past experiences, rather than being
here and now, present in my relationship.
Question: Which of the Ten Principles
of Conscious Dating was most instrumental
in your success?
Response: KNOW WHO YOU
ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT!
Learning to understand myself was the most helpful
aspect of my process. I would have never realized
my "requirements" unless I had studied
my past and what motivated me.
Why did I pick such poor partners?
Why did I push my partners away?
Why did I try to control them?
Why didn't I share myself truly?
What kept me from sharing true intimacy or love?
Why did I take things so personally, often feeling
hurt?
Once I was able to answer these important questions
and understand the basic conditioning that I learned,
I was finally free of them and able to choose
a partner who would complement me, not fulfill
me.
I was amazed and mystified by how different my
past partners were from me. The saying, "Opposites
Attract" couldn't be more true! I was continually
attracted to men who were entirely "wrong"
for me. This often lead to more hurt or rejection,
rather than healing and love & acceptance.
I would fall into the trap of Unconscious Relationship:
1 - I felt desire for immediate attraction and
craved excitement
2 - I required constant stimulation
3 - I defined myself in terms of my new partner
4 - I wanted him to meet all of my needs
5 - I didn't feel able to tell my truth
6 - I created an artificial image in order to
manipulate the relationship
7 - I often got lost in my romantic fantasy
8 - I planned all outcomes, even unconcsiously!
9 - I didn't keep agreements
10- I didn't know what I truly wanted
Question: Based upon your experience,
what is the single most important advice you'd
like to pass along to other singles?
Response: Learn what
motivates you. Learn why you create what you do
in your relationships. Take Responsibility, and
don't blame. Be ready to let go of what you learned,
from your parents, from other adults, from society.
Find your creative essence and honor it. Learn
to trust your intuition. Learn to separate your
relationship from yourself. Don't take everything
so personally. Often we are acting out of past
expieriences and the trouble we (or our partner)
is having right now may not have anything to do
with us!
There is someone out there who compliments you
and will help you to heal you emotionally, just
by being with them!
One thing I'm very glad we did. I asked him to
take a basic course in Conscious Relationships
when we decided to be together. It made for more
common ground.
--
Nancy Birnbaum
Sailingnanc "at" yahoo.com
Pompano Beach, FL
Congratulations to Nancy for
finding the love of your life and winning second
place in our Conscious Dating Success Story of
the Year contest!
To submit your
entry for next year's contest click
here
|
