My Conscious Dating Journey

By Faith Meenan

"... I looked at his picture and liked what I saw. I read his profile and thought, “This can’t be! Who IS this guy?” And then I prayed, “Lord, there’s something about this man. Will you please have him contact me?” "

“What is she doing??!!”

I figured that’s what people were thinking when they would see me with a different man at every event.

“Why doesn’t she just pick one and stick with him? She must be a player!”

It was quite the contrary, really.

After years of serial monogamy, I knew I had to do things differently.

Serial monogamy? “What’s that?” you ask. Oh, you know! It’s that dreamy- eyed state when you walk into a room and you see the attractive guy. You swoon as you purr, “Ooooh, he’s cute”. Then you jump into the relationship before you know anything substantive about him! You give your heart away, put all kinds of carts before horses and realize after a few months, or years, that this relationship really isn’t working. So you break his heart, break your heart and decide, “Next”. I can say this because I fell headlong into what Conscious Dating calls the "Date-to-Mate Trap" …over and over again.

After training with Relationship Coaching Institute, I realized that I COULD do things differently. I learned that I am the chooser. Through the skills of scouting, screening, and sorting, I could narrow my field peacefully and effortlessly.

I admit it. I am an online dating veteran. I’ve tried many of them – Match.com, ChristianCafé.com, Relationships.com, Chemistry.com, and eHarmony.com. Before you wonder about my sanity, or my desperation, I didn’t try all of them at the same time. I’ve been single for 15 years!

I’ve heard horror stories from many about their experiences on these sites. I, on the other hand, had great experiences. So what was the difference? I’m convinced it is because I was VERY clear about who I was and what I wanted. I wasn’t willing to settle for less. My profile itself was a screening tool because it was so specific. Anyone reading it would immediately know whether or not he was a fit for me. That cut down on a lot of traffic and, for me, that was a good thing. I wasn’t looking for an army of men, I was looking for one. At times, it felt like I was looking for that proverbial “needle in the haystack”. That was alright. I was willing to wait.

Through Conscious Dating I had made a relationship plan. The beauty of the plan is that you get to create it in a way that works for you based on who you are, what you are looking for in relationship, and how you are going to go about getting it. For me, I knew I didn’t want to pursue. I wanted a man who was strong enough to pursue me.

So there I was on these various sites “waiting at the well”, so to speak. It took time, yes. But I was okay with that. I resisted the temptations to settle. I renounced the warnings of friends that I am too picky. I just kept showing up, knowing that when the time was right, he would appear. I kept living my life fully, continuing to grow and be everything I could be in preparation for the day he did arrive.

Eventually, I had taken myself off of the dating sites. One day, though, I got an offer from E-Harmony that I couldn’t refuse. I said, “What the heck! I’ll give it a try again”. A few days into my membership, a profile showed up that immediately riveted my attention. I looked at his picture and liked what I saw. I read his profile and thought, “This can’t be! Who IS this guy?” And then I prayed, “Lord, there’s something about this man. Will you please have him contact me?” (Remember, I don’t pursue. I wanted to be pursued). I went back to that profile daily but I stuck to my guns, my plan…and waited… for what seemed like an eternity. In reality, it was only 4 days and, voila, he contacted me!

Al had also just joined eHarmony and was wading through 170 matches. It was so overwhelming for him that he almost quit! 45 of those matches contacted him. In his heart, he kept saying, “I don’t want to be pursued, I want to pursue!” (Hmmm…does that sound familiar?)

He came across my profile and looked at it every morning and every night for what seemed like an eternity to him as well. “Should I contact her? There’s just something about her. Why do I keep going back to this profile?” He has a close relationship with God and he felt God telling him, “Contact her”. So after 4 days, he did.

In the past, I was always cautious and held my cards fairly close to my vest as I screened and tested and observed When Al and I met, it became immediately clear to me that this was the man that I was waiting for. At one point in the conversation, I heard myself say, “At the risk of scaring you to death, I have to tell you…I’ve dated a lot of men in my years of singlehood and I can honestly tell you that you are the first man in a long time that I would be willing to close the back doors for and give this a solid chance.” I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of my mouth! It was like an out of body experience for me!

But there the words were… out on the table. They couldn’t be retracted now! I gulped and waited for his response, fully anticipating that he would politely exit, stage left. That’s not what happened. He looked right at me and said, “Funny, that doesn’t scare me at all”.

So, thus was birthed the relationship I’ve waited for all my life. I had always heard people say, “I can’t explain it. I just knew.” And they’ve been happily married for years. I never understood that until now …because I, too, can say…

I just know.

Sincerely,

Faith Meenan and Al Haupt

Congratulations to Faith and Al for finding the love of your life and winning second place in our Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year contest!

To submit your entry for next year's contest click here